My Story
During a family get-together in my early teen years, I overhead my cousin talking about something extraordinary. My ears pricked up immediately and I listened, enthralled, as he described how some people spend over 90% of their time in a fantasy world. My heart was hammering as I realised something - I was one of those people. I wanted to own up and admit to this at the time, but felt a little out of my depth so I stayed quiet and listened as the conversation drifted to another topic. Closing my eyes, I fell into my fantasy world and felt real life fall away as I became involved in my daydream.From a young age, I have always daydreamed and had an active imagination. As a creative and vibrant individual, I have always preferred my own thoughts to mingling with real people. At first, it was under control. I was imaginative and bright, and channeled my energies into vivid daydreams - fantasies that included characters from my favourite movies and television shows.
However, when I reached the age of twelve, and on the cusp of becoming a teenager, something shifted the power of my fantasies and notched up the malapative aspect of my daydreaming. I had an unwanted sexual experience with a school boy. I froze in horror as he took what he wanted and from then on, reality became a danger to me.I became introverted and isolated. Having just moved from primary to secondary school, being separated from my best and only friend, feeling out of my depth around the other girls my age who all seemed different to myself and having that unwanted sexual encounter - I was completely overwhelmed. I cut myself off from socialisation and viewed other people as a threat. To avoid being hurt again, I curled myself inward and exposed myself to another form of abuse.
Bullying.
This led to my fantasy life spiralling out of control and becoming maladaptive. I became obsessed with fandoms - would constantly daydream about my favourite characters.
At the time of the bullying, I fantasised almost fanatically about being rescued by my heroes. A deep love of fantasy teams and brotherhood began to emerge - probably due to my own isolation.
After school I went to college and got a job. All was fine until I hit twenty-two and suffered a major depressive episode. The fantasy life became a crutch to lean on during this time - and took a more sinister turn when I got involved in an online vampire cult for a year.
Now, I still find myself in a constant daydream, fantastising about my favourite characters.
To this day I still suffer from depression, anxiety and mood swings - and my imagination is the only thing keeping me going at times.
I don't think of what I have as Maladaptive. That is a termed coined by someone to describe something that is little understood or studied.
I believe my intense fantasy life is a coping mechanism I have developed throughout my life to deal with situations I couldn't manage.
Gina x
Wikipedia:
Maladaptive daydreaming (compulsive fantasy) is a term first proposed by Eli Somer, Ph.D.,[1] to describe a condition in which an individual excessively daydreams or fantasizes, sometimes as a psychological response to prior trauma or abuse.[2] This title has become popularly generalized[clarification needed] to incorporate a recently described syndrome of immersive or excessive daydreaming which is specifically characterized by attendant distress or functional impairment, whether or not it is contingent upon a history of trauma or abuse, as introduced in 2009 by Cynthia Schupak, Ph.D. and Jesse Rosenthal, M.D. of New York City.
